Hi, my name is *Fix in a name here* I am the typical kind of girl you see out there. Ok, maybe not. By the way, this is my story.
I was born into a christian home. Well not so much of a christian home but it could pass for one. My dad is a respectable politician and my mum, let’s just say a business woman. That doesn’t really matter now, we are focused on me Right? Growing up for me wasn’t so easy. My mum and dad would always quarrel a ver every little thing. It made bothered for a while but after sometime i got over it.
I remember my dad would always threaten me about having a boyfriend but I really didn’t care because I wasn’t getting all the love and attention I needed from my house.
I had always wanted to be part of the church, I hear my friends talk about it all the time but I see them as boring and lifeless. They always come to me saying the same old story: “Give your life to Christ”. I had given it several times, I still fallback to the same place. I try so hard and pray so well that I don’t go back the same way but most times I find myself back there. I would always want to talk to someone but it’s so difficult to see someone who wouldn’t judge me or say the same thing I’ve been hearing all my life.I want something different, something not so”churchy” but will still save me.
I would visit my boyfriend all weekend(knowing fully well how wrong it is and what may follow afterwards) and go to church on Sunday fall flat on my face and weep like a baby asking for mercy and a second chance. It is easier for you to say;”Go ahead and break up with him”. Trust me,it’s easier said than done.
It’s not like I don’t know this things, I know there is a deeper calling for me, there is this love that reaches out for me. I feel it sometimes and I don’t want to let go but I find myself letting go. Most times I never want to leave the church premises because i feel there is another type of world out there ready to sweep me off my feet,ready to take me to where I don’t belong. I really yearn for God, I always want more of HIM, and I know He does too. There is this ongoing battle in my mind. I really want to belong somewhere but I don’t see me there.
This is Me and you can call me whatever, it is a struggle and I NEED HELP
PS; This is not a true life story.